Are You Ignoring These 5 Red Flags in the Ocean of Your Relationship?

Growing up in California we went to the beach quite a bit.  I loved going with my family; we would get up early, pack the car, and head to the beach.  When we were driving we would always try to be the first one to spot the ocean.  When we got there we would unpack our stuff and set up our camp for the day.  We would sit under the EZ-Up and talk, go boogie boarding, or just go jump over the waves.  And of course we could not forget our stash of food.  But one thing that was always there were the flags the Life Guards would put up.  They designated where you could swim or surf, and the most important flag they had was the red flag; it indicated when there was a rip current.  A rip current is a river-like current that is seaward.  In order to escape a rip current, instead of swimming towards shore against the current, you must swim parallel to shore, for about 50 yards, until you are out of the current and then you can swim to shore.

 In your relationship there can be rip currents that will pull you out to sea and drown you.  That is why you need to look for the red flags that will warn you to not enter the water any further. Here are five red flags that may exist in your relationship.  This applies to both members of a relationship, not just one, women can be abusive, too.

1 – He Disrespects His Mother

            It is so important to know how he treats his mother if you are seriously considering a long-term relationship with this person.  Go meet his mother with him and if he does not respect her then you know how you will be treated once you are married.  The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

2 – He Has an Extremely Addictive Behavior

When you hear this, your mind may go to things like alcoholism, drugs, and pornography; but this can also include gaming, gambling, and many other things.  The problem with an addictive behavior is whenever your potential spouse is stressed or bored their first response will be to return to their addiction to release that stress or just fill time.  It can take over his life and nothing else matters, not his job, his obligations, or his family.  An addiction infects not just the person who has it, but all those around them.

3 – His Humor is Off Putting

            Are you the butt of his jokes, or are his jokes aimed at a specific group or person that you respect?  If this is stuff he will say in front of you, what do you think he is like when you’re not there?  Your significant other should make you feel comfortable and important in everything he says and does.

4 – He is Abusive to You

            Abuse is not just physical or sexual it encompasses a lot more.  Other types of abuse include emotional/psychological, financial, verbal, digital, and neglect.  You are the most important person in your significant other’s life; you should be treated as such.  There are many websites that go into further detail about different types of abuse and how to get help, a good place to go is your local family crisis center website.  They will help you take the correct steps to safely get out of an abusive situation.

5 – He Does Not Respect your Boundaries

            When it comes to dating the goal is to find someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life with.  When you’re looking for this person you want to be comfortable with them no matter what.  If he is pushing past your personal boundaries, he is telling you that he doesn’t care about how you feel and all that matters is his own personal agenda.  He may say things like “if you don’t do this it proves you don’t love me”, or “Come on, its not a big deal, everyone else is doing it; do you want to look dumb in front of everyone?”  Anyone who would put you in a situation that would make you overstep your boundaries does not really love you, no matter what they say.

When the Life Guards would put up the red flags to warn us of a rip current they did not tell us we were no allowed to swim or play in the water, but they wanted to let us know of the danger that was out there.  There were often people who got stuck in the current and were able to get out because they swam out of it, but those who panicked got pulled out to sea and had to be rescued by the Life Guard boat. 

If you are in a relationship look out for these red flags and make a conscious effort to surround yourself with friends and family that are there to help you judge when you may be being pulled out with the current to sea.